Have you ever noticed how few studies and research have been done on Transgendered Folk?  There are tons of studies done on most minority groups.  So many government grants seem available to everyone else. What about us?  If the elderly suddenly had a 50% suicide rate millions of dollars in grant money would be available yesterday.

There's actually a good reason for that.  While we seem to be the topic of hot discussion and the butt of numerous jokes and ridicule we do have one strike against us.  The word TransSEXual has a bad word in it  As long as the hateful religious right controls the White House don't hold your breath waiting for compassion or research.

People don't see us as having a gender problem.  They see us as  the un-ladylike characters we're portrayed as on the Springer Show.  Most don't even know that there is a Female to Male version of us.

As a 56 year old Male to female Transsexual, I've fought my share of demons.  I've had lifetime of clinical depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to deal with along with Gender Dysphoria. This of course on top of several natural and unnatural disasters.  Things had been better of late, my demons conquered, my psyche under control with anti-depressants. I couldn't have been happier.

Its so strange that we seem to be so vulnerable around our birthdays.  A simple read of the obituaries will reveal how many have died on or around their birthday's.  Are we more susceptable to harm or illness around that day or is it merely co-incidence?  We do tend to examine our lives more closely that day.  Does our Kharmic energy catch up to us on the anniversary of our birth and either reward or pay us back for the entire year?  Sometimes it seems so.

Here I was, perfectly happy when a few small incidents and one huge one happened all at once.  Suddenly I was in a deep depression.  How can that be if I'm on anti-depressants? Suddenly I realized that I'm more vulnerable than I thought.

The site was hacked. Why anyone would hack a support site is beyond me.  The world seems so full of hate sometimes.  At least things are back to normal now.  The good news is that I've discovered just how close knit our community is.  I've been swamped with offers of support, both moral and offers to help with the new Apache server.  Suddenly I'm not depressed any more.  Maybe my Kharma is better than I thought it was. Thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart.

Laura

 

Being transgendered is often a lonley quest. Many of us live in fear of being discovered or sharing our true selves with our family and friends. One main reason of course is fear of bodily harm or the dejavous of reliving the taunts we suffered as children.

While I recieve a lot of mail on the subject I was surprised to learn that out of the last 200 letters that its not only Crossdressers who are in the closet but Transsexuals in Transition living the Real Life Test.
Over 70% of respondents are living at least partially obscured lives literally hiding from the outside world, venturing out only when necessary.

We would expect that by having Gender Reassignment Surgery and becoming one person would help us to come out not remain hidden.  Life is meant to be lived not spent hiding in the dark.

I don't know if I'm the typical Male to female Transsexual in Transistion or not. I do know that a lot of us have a lot of resntment for that male body that keeps us in prison for much of our lives. Who can blame us. Still part of that male psyche seems like excess baggage. In my case I rejected the entire set of luggage.

All psychologically healthy people have a balance of the male and female.  Yet here I was rejecting everything male about me even though some of those parts were useful. As I started to transition on my way to becoming a complete female I forgot something in my other pants. After all I wore a dress now. Who needs pockets when you have a purse.

Recently I had a mini crisis, as all of us do. Suddenly I realized that I left my problem solving ability and a few other things behind.  I started thinking about it and discovered that the problem solving ability was mine.  I built it and I devleoped it and I forgot to take it with me.  It was valuable, like fogetting A $100.oo Bill in your old wallet.

So I got it back and I can solve problems again. Now all I've got to do is figure out if I can keep my balance whether I'm wearing the dress or not.

Information is suppossed to set things straight.  It should promote understanding of controversial issues.  When Information is mixed with assumptions though, it doesn't always do its job. As transsexuals we are a misunderstood bunch. Information that its not about sex or orientation seems to fall on deaf ears sometimes.  People still would rather listen to Jerry Springer than listen to us.

If I were to do a Man on the street spot asking people about Transsexuals what do you think they'd say? How many facts do you think people are aware of? Probably none.  Really, with all that information out there.  How can they not understand.  Its just easier to think the popular view about us even though its not factual.  Sometimes people are like sheep.

Over the last few days I received 3 letters from the same IP adress but different Yahoo e-mails.   What was striking is that all three repeated the same thing over and over.  They basicaly said that he was turning gay and gave great detail about sexual activities in language that would make a drill instructor blush.  His first assumption seemed to be that all Transsexuals were gay and that all they were intrested in was hot steamy sex with him of course.  He wrote all three letters with the same theme and phrases.  I reported the mail to my ISP and yahoo mail.

I was amazed at his ignorance.  Obviously he had been to the site but didn't happen to read anything.
Despite all the education we try to give, People just aren't going to change their minds about us.

If you're transitioning and you've had to tell friends family and co-workers You know what I mean.  Usually the first question out of somebody's mouth is usually are you gay?  That's the number 1 answer.  Clearly we still have a long way to go before someone finally understands us. 

Laura

Valentines Day was wonderful for me. My (S.O.) Significant Other (GG) Genetic Girl got me a beautiful Boquet of Roses and a heart Shaped Box of Chocolates. Wow! I think I've been waiting for that all of my life. Of course I did the same for her.  Two Valentines Day boquets in the same room,  Smells great in here.  Of course I can't say enough good things about this woman. If not for her I wouldn't be as far along as I am. 

Good Support is hard to find especially if you're Transgendered. So if you're struggling by yourself how do you build a support network? Its essential to your well being that you do. To Start with Join a group. Here's a list of groups:  http://lauras-playground.com/trans_support_groups.htm This is a great place to make friends who can actually understand you. Find one near you.

Join a Transgender forum. To introduce yourself post or just ask questions.  After a while you establish a presense and will start making friends. http://www.xsorbit2.com/users/laurasplayground/index.cgi

Then Try a great Transgender chat room http://lauras-playground.com/chat.htm .  Eventually you'll be well known in the community. As my male self my total lifetime number of friends could be counted on one hand. In the Community as Laura I have loads of friends and most are good ones too. So get busy on that keyboard.  Support is out there but the first move is up to you.

Laura

I've heard a lot of reasons for being transgendered but I'll bet you haven't heard this one.

It could happen to you.  One minute your cruising through your transition setting aside every challenge and the next you're brought to a screeching halt. It could be health problems, financial, family related or even legal. In my case I had to stop hormones because of health.

Fortunately my Gender counselor quickly through a cable around me and kept me from sliding back into depression. He helped me develop a plan to salvage my transition.  I was still living as a woman, But I had stopped going out of my house.  I was effectivley withdrawing into a shell.  I started getting depressed.

Then my shrink tried one of those psychological tricks on me. He said OK Laura so if you feel you're transition is over then there's no sense in living as a woman at home then.  Go back to living as a man like before.  It made sense so I didn't think about it. 

Years ago when I first started researching the internet on Transsexuals I noticed that the ONLY treatment available was surgery. Even the Old Harry Benjamin standards of care didn't adress treatment for those who for some reason could not go under the knife.

It struck me as odd that there were no alternatives,  I mean almost every treatment in medicine has another way if the peferred method can not be used. Do those who can't undergo surgery have any less emotional pain and suffering? Wouldn't there really be even more for a transsexual who really wanted surgery but found his/her only door shut.

Why wouldn't someone be able to have surgery? What about money, health or family concerns, or even job concerns.  Is a father with young children any less of a Transsexual because he is responsible enough to put his children first? What about someone in a 30 year marraige, or a person with heart or lung disease. Is there Pain any less real?  Of course not, but these people will continue to suffer nevertheless.

Not one study has been ever done on these non-ops because there's just no money in it. No surgery, medical tests, operating fees or hospital stays.  They're just out of luck.   Well that's not entirely so. There is another way for those who temporarily or permanantly cannot get surgery.

As a pre-op I was on herbal hormones for a while.  Eventually I was pescribed real hormones.  Six months later I had a blood clot so the hormones were stopped. In the last few year on top of being a paraplegic in a wheelchair I've had one stroke, 2 heart attacks, Post-Polio, Emphsema, OPCD and a Blood disorder. There's a real possibility I will be back on hormones but is it really likely that a doctor would operate if I can't tolerate general anethstesia?  Meanwhile I'm still suffering from Transsexuality.

Fortunatley with my therapist I did come up with an alternative plan that really works.  More on my personal saga tommorrow but for now read this article I wrote on alternatives. Alternatives to SRS
http://lauras-playground.com/alt_surgery.htm


Laura

Yesterday I gave you all the links to search papers done on this topic.

One thing is for sure Men and women think and process information differently.  Often they'll come to different conclusions based on the same information. Women seem to use both halves of their brain while men seem to use one half.  This was discovered while checking the sexes to see why strokes were more devastating to men than to women. This doesn't neceaarily mean that women are smarter, just different. Besides there are advantages to thinking things through on a purely logical level then with logic plus emotions. It just depends on what problem you're solving.

So what does this have to do with Transsexuals and Transgendered Folk?  Plenty. A female to male transsexual thinks like a man.  A male to female one thinks like a women.  The rest of the spectrum such as crossdressers or transgendered are on a sliding scale somewhere in between.  Add male or female hormones to that mix and the brain changes even futher. After all are you your brain, your body or your soul? Think about that a bit. What defines you as you? Each group might say something different. A transsexual for instance might leave out the present body all together while a crossdresser might not.

Heres a couple of interesting tests. The first one is an empathy quotient test on which  women normally score higher. http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/flash/page/0,13249,937836,00.html  and the sytemic quotient test on which men often score higher http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/flash/page/0,13249,937835,00.html .  If after your done you're confused try this Gender test: http://web.archive.org/web/20030604112140/transsexual.org/Ttestpages1.html
These tests of course are just a guide to see if you fit more in the male or female mode or somewhere in between.  At the very least it might put things in perspective for you. 

Laura